Those Phrases shared by A Parent That Rescued Me during my time as a New Parent

"I believe I was simply trying to survive for a year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the truth rapidly proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her chief support while also taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… each outing. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he needed help.

The simple statement "You're not in a good spot. You require support. In what way can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While people is now more comfortable addressing the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges dads go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a broader reluctance to talk among men, who often absorb harmful perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It is not a sign of being weak to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the chance to ask for a pause - taking a short trip abroad, away from the family home, to see things clearly.

He realised he had to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotional states alongside the practical tasks of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and interpret his decisions as a father.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, long-standing trauma meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "bad actions" when younger to change how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that aren't helpful," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Tips for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you feel swamped, tell a friend, your partner or a professional what you're going through. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, staying active and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is faring.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Know that asking for help does not mean you've failed - prioritising you is the optimal method you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they confronted their struggles, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, at times I think my job is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."