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Bog Standard

Toilet humor has long been the safe haven for daily publications, and we are always mindful of notable bog-related stories and historic moments, especially in relation to football. Readers were entertained to discover that Big Website columnist Adrian Chiles owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet at his home. Reflect for a moment for the Barnsley fan who understood the bathroom rather too directly, and was rescued from a deserted Oakwell following dozing off in the toilet at half-time during a 2015 defeat by Fleetwood. “He was barefoot and couldn't find his phone and his headwear,” explained a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And nobody can overlook during his peak popularity at Manchester City, Mario Balotelli visited a nearby college to access the restrooms during 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then came in and was asking the location of the toilets, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a student told local Manchester media. “Later he simply strolled round the campus as if he owned it.”

The Restroom Quitting

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as England manager following a short conversation inside a lavatory booth alongside FA executive David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss versus Germany during 2000 – England’s final match at the legendary venue. As Davies remembers in his diary, his confidential FA records, he stepped into the wet struggling national team changing area right after the game, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams motivated, the two stars urging for the official to reason with Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies located him seated – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – within the changing area's edge, saying quietly: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies tried desperately to rescue the scenario.

“Where could we possibly locate for a private conversation?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Merely one possibility emerged. The lavatory booths. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history happened in the old toilets of a venue scheduled for destruction. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I closed the door after us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I can’t motivate the players. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Aftermath

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, subsequently confessing he considered his period as Three Lions boss “soulless”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's a tremendously tough role.” Football in England has advanced considerably over the past twenty-five years. Whether for good or bad, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers have long disappeared, whereas a German currently occupies in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year's international tournament: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Live Updates

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for women's football cup news regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Quote of the Day

“We remained in an extended queue, clad merely in our briefs. We represented Europe's top officials, premier athletes, inspirations, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We barely looked at each other, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Quiet and watchful” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“How important is a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem called ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to take care of the first team. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and awarded some merch, I've opted to write and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights in the schoolyard with youngsters he knew would beat him up. This self-punishing inclination must explain his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|